Well, its the first of the month. Hopefully I will be able to remember to write more. Its one of the goals this month. Car trouble round out the end of the month, but a late birthday present from my mother fixed that. So my car lives again. It was the capper to a very topsy/ turvy birthday month. In fact its rather remarkable that I am in as good of spirits as I am. Haven't not worked this long in a long long time. So, there is that. Its learning what it means to be quiet and still.
In all honesty, its a good thing that I am home right now. There is a lot that I can do here, just need some sort of income to come in while that is being done. I am realitively privilaged that I have a bit of savings to draw off off till I have to really get a job or get on unemployment. For that I am really grateful. The other honest thing is I am eligable to go back to tulalip if this doesn't work out. Sitting with it these last few days however, my whole being is like I don't want to go back.
I don't want to go back.
Please don't make me go back, is the anwser within the fiber of my being.
What do you want to do? I am asking myself that a lot lately. From the 26th I have applied to 15 jobs in that amount of time. 15 jobs. in less then two weeks. Hmm. I may be rather driven here to do something. Been putting things away, taking up knitting again. Knitting which I let go of after my beloveds mother died ( don't get excited yet, let me finish something first. then there will be excitment.)
My body is still pulling off the layers, so we will see what happens. Yes, its detoxing from what I had been working with, and letting go of what was. There's a lot of inquires running around in my head that deserve anwsers, which in part I have been journaling offline.